Steve & Omar's Goodbye

During the final weeks of my husband’s life, our family was blessed to receive a special Memory Gift, an intentional act of kindness specifically given by the LBHF to lift the human spirit. My husband and I were so encouraged and the hearts of our family and friends were touched with inspirational hope as they watched the Memory Gift unfold in “real time” right before their eyes. Following is a story of our brief, yet intense battle with wanting to conquer over a deadly disease and live to ultimately having our Memory Gift help us fulfill a deep desire to “end well.”

Steve & Omar's Goodbye
I was out of town on a business trip when I received an early morning phone call from the emergency room telling me that my husband Steve, a retired Marine officer, was being admitted to the hospital. I learned that an MRI test had indicated a large tumor in Steve’s brain that would require surgery. Immediately I prepared to depart and after a 5-hour trip back home, I arrived at the hospital and went straight to Steve’s room. When he saw me, he breathed a huge sigh of relief that I had made it back before he had to go into surgery.

The next morning we met with the neurosurgeon who was kind and gentle as he provided the details about Steve’s forthcoming brain surgery. After the doctor left the room, Steve and I began to work through an array of topics including facing the uncertainty of surviving the surgery, making sure all the paperwork was in order, reviewing instructions for his body should he not survive and most importantly, expressing deep thoughts from our hearts.

Surgery was the next morning and I found myself sitting alone in the waiting room, rehearsing the “what ifs”, imagining all kinds of possible outcomes and how I would respond. After some time, the doctor came to the waiting room and I stood up as he gave me the initial report of what had been found. The large tumor in Steve’s brain was malignant melanoma, stage 4. That tumor would be able to be removed but he shared was that there were so many smaller tumors remaining in his brain that they could not be counted. The decision to remove them would be through radiation therapy after the brain had time to heal. I sat down to catch my breath as I felt like the air had been punched out of me by the devastating news. Because we had no family members living close by and the surgery was performed so soon after Steve was admitted to the hospital, our two adult sons and our extended families were at their homes waiting to receive a call from me. Steve did survive the surgery that day and from then on, he fought with great resolve to regain the strength and stamina he needed to be released from the hospital. After a few weeks, he was discharged from the hospital and we embarked on another part of our journey.

Because I was unable to provide care for him from home and Steve wanted to try the radiation therapy, we chose an assisted living facility with rehabilitative services and easy access to the hospital for his daily therapy. Once the radiation treatments were completed, it had been another 6 weeks and Steve needed more full time nursing care. It was then we found him a private home where he could receive the care he needed. Trained as a Marine Corps aviator, Steve put forth “Semper Fi” toughness with a brave determination to fight the ravaging disease, but within a few short two months, Steve’s condition had deteriorated from being able to communicate clearly to becoming bedridden and unconscious most of the time. I was at peace in my heart knowing Steve was a man of faith and that God’s presence had been with us both throughout our lives and most assuredly every day on this journey of travail. As the primary decision-maker for Steve’s care, my specific prayer now turned to needing the counsel, guidance and support of someone who could walk with me through the next steps.


Lorraine Bethea Hospice Foundation
It was then that a ray of sunshine entered my life. With the warmth of a reassuring smile and a heartfelt compassion, I met Brenda Cobb, President and Founder of the Lorraine Bethea Hospice Foundation. It was through Brenda that the legacy of Lorraine Bethea became a heartbeat of hope for me. Her calm reassurances of support were instrumental in giving me the assurances of knowing I would not have to walk through this time alone. Brenda and her team of dedicated professionals demonstrated every component of hospice care that Lorraine Bethea, a hospice nurse herself, had modeled throughout her life. One of the most enduring qualities given to me through the Foundation was the extension of open arms welcoming me into the LBHF family.

Within a few weeks after Steve’s hospice care began, I received a call from his nurse telling me that for the first time in weeks, Steve had opened his eyes and spoken out with a very strong voice, speaking out this request: “I want to see my horse!” He then closed his eyes and again became unresponsive. His nurse asked me if I had any idea what he meant and I said “Yes” and provided her with the details of the back story.

For several years into his retirement Steve enjoyed volunteering at a special equestrian ranch located close to where we lived. One of the ranch’s programs offered equine-assisted activities to support the well-being of individuals with special needs. Steve regularly volunteered to carefully guide a horse around the track as it carried one of these special riders. He loved spending time with the horses and before long, he grew to love one horse in particular named “Omar.”


Memory Gift
When Brenda and the staff at LBHF learned about Steve’s request to see his horse, they immediately embraced the idea with a strong resolve to make it happen. What unfolded next surely evidenced the fervor and passion Maya Angela must have meant when she spoke, “Love encourages no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” The entire LBHF team joined together in moving quickly to create a special Memory Gift, an experience, an act of kindness designed especially for Steve and for me.

From lining up an ambulance large enough to transport Steve in his bed, and his nurse, to coordinating staff schedules with the director of the ranch and to insure that Omar was going to be there when Steve arrived. Brenda and her staff of LBHF had thus created an act of kindness that would touch the hearts of countless individuals.

Within just a few days, a caravan of cars followed the ambulance to the horse ranch. When we arrived, Steve and his mobile bed were moved from the ambulance and wheeled into the stable area. You could smell the fresh hay and hear the horses stirring in their stalls. Within a few minutes, Omar’s trainer had Omar by the reins and you could hear the sound of his hoofs on the barn floor now heading directly toward Steve and his group of friends. Immediately you could sense that Omar recognized Steve as he began to gently nudge Steve’s arm with his nose. The ranch director lifted Steve’s arm to help him stroke Omar’s face and feel his mane. It was then that Omar drew closer to Steve and this time nudged his nose underneath a pillow laying on top of Steve’s chest. I’m convinced this was Omar’s way to get closer to Steve’s heart and for Steve’s deep desire to see his horse now become realized. Amongst the crowd, there was not a dry eye as they watched a man in his final days unite one more time with the horse he so tenderly loved. Within a short time, Omar was taken back to his stall and Steve needed to be returned to the comfort of his room.

However, before the crowd dispersed, a staff member from the ranch returned to Steve’s side and gently whispered in his ear that Omar had a special gift for him. She had artistically braided a few hairs from Omar’s tail into the shape a cross. She placed it on Steve’s open palm and then gently closed his fist with the cross secured inside. For the next few days Steve kept the braided cross clenched tightly in his fist. Since Steve’s passing, the braided cross remains a cherished keepsake for the family to reflect on the entire Memory Gift experience that will be shared for years to come.

Each Memory Gift has immeasurable value to those who have had their spirits lifted in countless ways. Because of the kindness shown by the family and friends of the LBHF, the legacy of Lorraine Bethea and her love lives on. And for the generosity of those contributing to the funding of the Memory Gift program, “Thank you” from a heart that’s been inspired with hope and a big “Oorah!” from my Marine who was able to indeed complete his mission by “ending well.” “Well done sir, well done!”

Photo by Julian de Wet